Lest we forget... remembering those memorable and not-so-memorable stories, jokes, videos and pics from around the world!
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GALLERY
ANIMALS AND TOBACCO -TOM & JERRY
They've been bashing each other silly for six decades, beating one another with planks, poisoning poor Jerry, smoking cigars and even cutting a tree in half using Tom's crotch. Britain's TV regulator says that's all cool -except for the smoking. After a viewer complained that the brawling cat and mouse were lighting up cigarettes and cigars, the regulator, Ofcon, asked a children's channel to remove any scenes that glamorize smoking. - Sep 2006
MEN IN RUBBERS
What is the sexiest profession of all? A British insurance company polled 1,818 men and women and found that 47 per cent of women fantasize about fire-fighters, while 54 per cent of men fantasize about nurses in uniform. For women, 28 per cent fantasize about soldiers, 27 per cent businessmen. At the low end, only 6.5 per cent of men dream of traffic wardens and 1.7 per cent of women fantasize about politicians. At the very bottom of the sex heap are milkmen, who turn on just 0.8 per cent of women. - Sep 2006
BRITAIN: O LORD THY HELP IN WAGES LOST
Mindful of the state of the economy, the Church of England has penned two new prayers. One is for the newly laid-off. The "Prayer on Being Made Redundant" says in part, "Hear me as I cry out in confusion, help me to think clearly, and calm my soul." The other is for those still working but feeling their necks. "Who will be next? How will I cope with the increased pressure of work?" reads the "Prayer For Those Remaining in The Workplace." - Jan 2009
ROTTEN EGGS
U.K. researchers warn that the Halloween tradition of egging is taking a heavy toll. Their year-long study of one Liverpool hospital tallied 13 egg-related eye injuries. Perhaps people should just follow Prince Charles's lead. A new book says the heir to the throne is an egg aficionado who requires staff to boil seven at a time, then tests each looking for the perfect eating consistency. An extravagant waste, but at least nobody gets hurt. - Oct 2006
WHAT THEY GOT FOR IT - HIGH-END MARMALADE
The world's most expensive marmalade, at $10,000 a jar, is being made with whisky, champagne and gold ( the champagne is Pol Roger Cuvee Sir Winston Churchill 1996, the gold is 24-carat leaf, and the whisky is Whyte & Mackay, which costs $64,000 a bottle). The marmalade is being produced by F. Duerr & Sons of Manchester, England, and the cut-crystal jar alone costs $2,200. All told, it would cost $150 to cover a single slice of toast - Oct 2006
HUMOR
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BAS**RD!!!!"
WHEN THE HELP NEEDS HELP IT'S TIME TO GO
David Cliff was paid to head up the Drug and Alcohol Action Team in County Durham, England. Last week, it was learned that Cliff quit following an investigation into allegations of drunkenness. One witness described Cliff as being "drunk as a scuttle" on a weekend night, and another said he returned after lunches "reeking of alcohol, giggling and worse for wear." Cliff controlled a widely praised telephone line to help dug and alcohol addicts. - Nov 2006
METER MAID LEAVES MORE THAN A TICKET BEHIND
Motorist Victoria Ekong couldn't believe it when a meter maid writing her a ticket went berserk recently. When Ekong argued with her on a north London street, suddenly the meter maid started bashing Ekong's Rover 75 with her ticketing machine, causing $2,100 damage. "We had a nasty row over the ticket," said Ekong, "but surely meter maids are used to arguments. She started screaming like some demon from a horror film." - Jun 2007
A DYING SHARK'S LAST ACT: HUMILIATION
British fisherman Phil Tanner fought to reel in a scrappy lesser spotted dogfish, a member of the shark family. When he finally hauled it onto a pier he turned to a friend and said, "Hey mate, look at this whopper." Just as he spoke, the tiny shark helped itself to Tanner's nose. "It clamped around my nostrils and wouldn't let go," he says. Tanner was left with puncture marks on his face and the memory of amused spectators humming the theme from Jaws. - Jun 2007
BRITAIN: THE SPECTRE OF TEA-SHOP FASCISM
If you drop by David Daly's Tea Cosy Rooms in Brighton, you'd better follow his rules or get banned, as many have. Daly requires that you: not talk while the piano lady is performing; not insult the Queen; never handle sugar cubes and never, n ever dunk a cookie. After complaints that he ejected someone for "biscuit wetting," Daly denied allegations he's a tea-shop fascist. "It is the art of tea drinking - this is not going to Starbucks with a mug of coffee." - Aug 2007
WOMAN NEARLY LICKED BY COW, SAVED BY HORSE
If you've ever wondered how a cow might try to kill someone, Fiona Boyd of Scotland can tell you. she was recently attacked by one on her farm: it kicked her and, when she hit the turf, dropped on top of her. Boyd was looking in on a distressed calf at the same moment the calf's mother turned up. The attack ended when Boyd's horse, Kerry, came over and kicked the cow. "Kerry was fantastic," Boyd says. "She saved my life." - Sep 2007
AMY WINEHOUSE
In a recent song, the British performer sang, "They tried to make me go to rehab. I said, 'no no no.' " Given present circumstances, Winehouse should let them. she was photographed in London recently, bleeding from an athletic brawl with her husband, Blake Field -Civil. He emerged equally worse for wear, with heavy scratches to his face. The singer was wearing bloody ballet slippers, apparently the result of injecting heroin between her toes. - Sep 2007
HUMOR
Thorntons, the largest, independent chocolate and confectionery company in the United Kingdom, set up what is thought to be the world's first edible billboard. The 14.5 ft by 9.5 ft (4.4 m by 2.9 m) and 390 kg (860 lbs.) sign was erected outside their Covent Garden, London shop. The structure included 10 chocolate bunnies, 72 giant chocolate eggs and 128 chocolate panels, each weighing 2 kg. The billboard took three months to plan and 300 hours for the team of 10 to build and was expected to last a week but alas was devoured by Londoners in less than three hours! The publicity stunt was decided following poor Christmas 2006 sales. - Apr 2007C
Photo: Telegraph UK/Zuma Press
EDIBLE
ADVERTISING!
A pensioner has broken Britain's Guinness World Records after somehow managing to produce a giant cucumber that's still growing.
Former bus driver Yitzhak Yizdanpana, has grown a goliath 1.2 metre cucumber that is still growing at 2 cm a week.
Yitzhak said that he did not use any fertiliser or add anything to the soil and that when the cucumber stops growing he will put it up for a Guinness World Record.
His neighbour's son five-year-old Yanir loves to measure his height next to the green giant.
The previous world record for the Longest Cucumber was a 91cm cucumber which was grown by Alf Cobb of Nottinghamshire.
- Metro.co,uk, July 2009
GIANT CUCUMBER SHATTERS WORLDRECORD!
RECORD!
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United Kingdom
Zara Phillips - the Queen's eldest granddaughter - was once dubbed the "Royal Rebel" by the tabloids for her navel and tongue piercing. But last weekend, she improved her image by winning the individual gold medal at the World Equestrian Games in Germany.
Phillips, 25, is the first Brit in 20 years to take the top spot in this event, doing so with help from her 13-year-old chestnut gelding, Toytown. Zara's success may also be genetic: her mother, Princess Anne, won the European equestrian championship in 1971, and father Capt. Mark Phillips rode with the British team.
The favourite to win gold at the 2008 Beijing Olympics does suffer from some familial disadvantage. Phillips is not entitled to her grandmother's wealth, and had to secure commercial sponsors. - Sep 2006
ZARA PHILLIPS
Not Riding On Any Royal Coattails
Did You Know..
Stonehenge
The construction of this prehistoric monument started some 5000 years ago and is still standing to this day!
Recent evidence has shown that the Stonehenge has served as a burial ground right from the beginning. It has been notified that the people who have been buried in the ground date back to the 3000 BC.
Stonehenge rises up on Salisbury Plain. Cleary a work of intelligence and purpose, Stonehenge is like a mysterious communication from the distant past - a genuine wonder. It is said that almost 8,000,000 visitors come to visit this place. All the stones are said to be placed perfectly with the sunrise and thus makes it very clear that the place was also being used as a ground for worship.
This massive huge stone formation of Britain draws people from all over the world.
NAKED WOMAN IN "YOGA PROTEST" IN PARLIAMENT
Witness Carl Backland, 50, said: "She jumped on the cab when it stopped at the lights – the driver wasn’t very pleased."
Full marks go to the bus driver of the number 53 to Whitehall though. He did well not to lose his concentration on the job at hand. - May 2010
The things you see riding the number 53 bus.
Passengers had a front seat to the action when a woman stopped traffic near the Houses of Parliament yesterday by removing all her clothes and climbing on to a black cab for a five-minute naked yoga protest.
Being naked guarranteed some exposure anyway. She yelled: "Troops out of Afghanistan". I think it fair to say that most men wouldn’t have been listening too closely. It has also been noted that the cabbie tried to encourage her to get off his roof as tourists looked on.
UK POSTAL WORKERS BOYCOTT HOUSE OVER VICIOUS... OLD CAT
Farsley, England: Postal workers never know what they are going to encounter when they deliver mail; angry homeowners, aggressive guard dogs, vicious cats… While one could be forgiven for pointing his or her fingers and scoffing at the suggestion that a 19-year-old cat could terrify postal workers so much that they would stop delivering mail, even if it is named Tiger, The Associated Press reports that is precisely what happened in a small town called Farsley in Northern England.
Royal Mail announced that they would no longer deliver mail to the home of a 43-year-old pharmacy worker because of the “nasty injuries” that Tiger had inflicted upon their delivery personnel. The woman in question responded that Tiger slept most of the day and lacked the energy to attack any postal workers.
For the record a 19-year-old cat is 92 in human years. - Apr 2010
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Ebenezer Place, in Wick, Caithness, Scotland, is credited by the Guinness Book of Records as being the world's shortest street at 2.06 m (6 ft 9 in).
In 2006 it surpassed the previous record (5.2 m, 17 ft) set by Elgin Street, Bacup, Lancashire.
The street has only one address: the front door of No. 1 Bistro, which is part of Mackays Hotel.
The street originated in 1883, when 1 Ebenezer Place was constructed; the owner of the building, a hotel at the time, was instructed to paint a name on the shortest side of the hotel. It was officially declared a street in 1887.
But for its status as a street in its own right, the location of Ebenezer Place would be a junction of Union Street with River Street. - Wikipedia
THE WORLD'S SHORTEST STREET - WICK, SCOTLAND
FROG PORN FOUND ON JUDGE'S COMPUTER
A British magistrate was sentenced to serve 144 days in a sex offender program after he was caught with a bizarre porno collection that included images of women having sex with frogs.
Besides the frog porn, police found on the 46-year-old’s laptop hundreds of photos and videos of women engaging in sex acts with horses, donkeys, dogs, gerbils and even a live snake. - March 2011
Michael Hall of Rotherham avoided jail time after admitting to charges of possessing hard core pornography, the Sun reports.
Sally Sharp, head of a rape and sexual offenses unit, was outraged at the “particularly repugnant” pornographic images, she said. She added that the fact that the defendant was a magistrate and in a position of trust was “additionally an aggravating feature.”
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London
STOP THE CLOCK BY MAKING LOVE!
A landmark Scottish study found that people who made love four times weekly look 12 years younger than they actually are! The researchers theorize that physical intimacy boosts the production of anti-aging feel-good hormones - such as endorphins and oxytocin - while also increasing the flow of rejuvenating nutrients in the bloodstream to the collagen fibers, muscle and other supporting tissues responsible for keeping skin youthful and firm. - 2009
PG Tips is a British company that makes tea. Boodles jewelers (an exclusive jeweller based in the UK) made a diamond teabag to celebrate PG Tips 75th birthday. The tea bag was hand-crafted using 280 diamonds. The tea bag is valued at around $14,000. I knew the British took their tea seriously, but not this serious!
WORLD'S MOST
EXPENSIVE
TEA BAG!
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