nly in...
Lest we forget... remembering those memorable and not-so-memorable stories, jokes and pics from around the world!
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Only In Russia....
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Only In Hawaii...
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Only In America...
Only In Thailand...
Only In China...
Only In India...
Only In Belgium...
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Only In Jamaica...
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Only In Canada...
Only In the Netherlands...
Only In Africa...
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Only In France...
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Only In Australia...
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Only In Indonesia...
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Only In Romania...
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Only In Japan...
AFGHANISTAN'S Only PIG QUARANTINED IN FLU FEAR
Afghanistan’s only known pig has been locked in a room, away from visitors to Kabul zoo where it normally grazes beside deer and goats, because people are worried it could infect them with the virus popularly known as swine flu. The pig is a curiosity in Muslim Afghanistan, where pork and pig products are illegal because they are considered irreligious, and has been in quarantine since Sunday after visitors expressed alarm it could spread the new flu strain. “For now the pig is under quarantine, we built it a room because of swine influenza,” Aziz Gul Saqib, director of Kabul Zoo, told Reuters. - May 2009
Read More from our pages - Only in Afghanistan
NIGERIA: PUMPKINS OF LITTLE USE IN CRASH
To skirt a new law requiring motorcyclists to wear helmets, some Nigerians are wearing the dried shells of the pumpkin-like clabash, and paint cans, pots, pans or bits of rubber. They complain that more conventional helmets are too expensive, cause skin rashes or leave them susceptible to black magic. Replies a road safety official: "We want to take them to court so they can explain why they think wearing a clabash is good enough for their safety." - Jan 2009
Read More from our pages - Only in Africa
A DIFFERENT KIND OF STIMULUS PACKAGE
Porn peddlers Larry Flynt, owner of Hustler, and Joe Francis, of the Girls Gone Wild Franchise, say that tough economic times have imperilled their normally lucrative industry, and that the government should lend a hand, so to speak. Flynt told Hollywood gossip-mongers TMZ, "With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind. It's time for Congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America." Francis and Flynt say $5 billion ought to do it. - Jan 2009
Read More from our pages - Only in America
DR. WHIPPY'S CHILLY SOLUTION FOR DEPRESSION
It knows how to make you feel better. Unveiled at the Ars Electronica exhibition this month in Austria, "Dr. Whippy" is a machine that asks people a series of recorded questions, then uses voice stress-analysis software to determine their state of mind. If Dr. Whippy concludes you are depresses, it will dispense soft ice cream into a cone. The sadder you are the more ice cream Dr. Whippy will prescribe. - Oct 01, 2007
Read More from our pages - Only in Austria
Aussie TV journo calls chef `arrogant narcissist'
CANBERRA, Australia (AP) - An Australian TV host said Tuesday that foul-mouthed celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay would never again be welcome on her show after he hurled insults and sexual references at her during a food and wine fair.. the British chef and restaurateur went to a food and wine tasting event Saturday attended by about 3,000 people in the city of Melbourne, and stunned the audience by unleashing a string of insults at Grimshaw in her absence, calling her a lesbian and likening her to a pig.. Later he said he was only joking. Grimshaw, though, failed to see the humor and retaliated on her program Monday night, calling Ramsay an "arrogant narcissist" and a "bully." Obviously Gordon thinks that any woman who doesn't find him attractive must be gay," Grimshaw said. "For the record, I don't and I'm not." - Jun 2009
Read More from our pages - Only in Australia
A TRADITION AT THE CROSSROADS
The tiny nation may break with tradition and introduce stop signs. Belgiums has clung to a custom that once gave the right of way to persons of higher social status, which evolved into giving priority to vehicles on the right - common in Europe. But collisions persist, prompting insurers to press for the change - and the government isn't happy. "We'd have to put signs at every crossroads," a spokesman says. "We have a lot of intersections." - Oct 2006
...no stop signs???!!?!
Read More from our pages - Only in Belgium
BRAZIL FINE FOR DYING
Mayor Roberto Pereira da Silva of Biritiba-Mirim, Brazil, wants to make it illegal for residents to die. The mayor has undertaken the unusual (and probably unenforceable) move because the local cemetery is full and other space is unavailable. Relatives of people who die would face fines or jail. - Jan 2009
Read More from our pages - Only in Brazil
HIGH ON McGILL
McGill University professors are in the market for cocaine - and lots of it. The Canadian Institutes of Health Research has awarded the Montreal university $600,000 to continue studying the affects of cocaine addiction. Their plan? Pay a dozen people minimum wage to snort the snow under "tightly controlled" conditions. The profs dismiss any suggestion that their research is unethical. The results, they say, will show which parts of the brain crave the highly addictive drug, and how best to tackle that craving. Seems reasonable. Of course, one could make the same argument for studying suicides. - Oct. 1, 1007
Read More from our pages - Only in Canada
NOSE JOBS HELP LOVERS GET CLOSER
Never mind a box of chocolates, many Chinese gave their lovers nose jobs for Valentine's Day. It's a growing romantic trend to pay for one another's plastic surgery among lovestruck, affluent Chines. One Shanghai clinic reported a 30 percent increase in procedures keyed to valentine's Day. Liu Yan, who got her beak bobbed along with her boyfriend's, said, "My boyfriend loved the idea and paid for the whole thing. We're very happy with the results." - Feb 2006
Read More from our pages - Only in China
COMING SOON....
Read More from our pages - Only in France
....in the meantime here's a link - 3-D views of Paris.. check it out!!
PREPARING FOR THE STINKEFINGER
The British embassy in Berlin has issued a helpful German glossary for British soccer enthusiasts attending next year's World Cup. While it provides German words for soccer-related terms such as "schlusspfiff" (final whistle), it also has terms such as "Alkohoverbot" (alcohol is forbidden), "randalierende Fans" (rampaging fans), "Stinkefinger" (middle-finger salute) and "Er kotzte wie ein reiher" (he puked his guts up). - Dec 2006
Read More from our pages - Only in Germany
Afghanistan
Africa
Austria
Australia
Brazil
France
HE'D BE FUN TO HAVE AROUND THE DORM
Praveen Kumar Sehrawat is an average Indian teenager, except for the fact that he can squirt milk out of his eyes. The feat has earned him national attention and even a place in India's version of the Guinness Book of World Records. He sucks milk through his nostrils and squirts it through his tear ducts. Not only that, but he holds a record for eating 170 green chilies in five minutes, and is known to hammer nails into his nose without discomfort. - May 2006
Read More from our pages - Only in India
Italy
THE HOTTEST NUNS HAVE INNER BEAUTY
A priest who had planned a beauty pageant for nuns has called it off, claiming that he had been misunderstood. "It was not my intention to put nun on the runway," says Father Antonio Rungi, stinging from church criticism. He says he wanted to call attention to the inner beauty of nuns in a bid to stop falling membership in Italy's convents. "No one is saying that nuns can't be beautiful," he adds, "but I was thinking about something more complete." - Sep 2008
Read More from our pages - Only in Italy
Jamaica
COMING SOON....
Read More from our pages - Only in Jamaica
ARE YOU WRINKLED ENOUGH TO SMOKE?
Cigarette vending machines in Japan may soon start analyzing wrinkles and counting crow's feet to see if purchasers are old enough to smoke. Starting in July, legislation will require that the machines make sure customers are at least 20 years old - the legal age to buy cigarettes. The Fujitaka company has developed a system that it says can correctly determine age nine times out of 10 using a digital camera and age recognition software. - May 26, 2008
Read More from our pages - Only in Japan
PSYCHIC JUDGE CHAMPIONED THE LITTLE PEOPLE
Florentino Floro has lost an appeal to keep his job as a court judge in Manila. He was dismissed March on "administrative gounds," because he said he had supernatural powers, including the ability to see the future (which no doubt would obviate the need to hold a trial). Besides, as a Philippines Supreme Court ruling declared, Floro's "insistence on the existence of 'dwarves' conflicts with prevailing expectations concerning judicial behaviour."
- Sep 2006
Read More from our pages - Only in the Philippines
Poland
COMING SOON!
Read More from our pages - Only in Poland
Czym się różni Polska od baru mlecznego? Niczym: i tu, i tu trochę ruskich, trochę śląskich, reszta same leniwe.
Romania
SUE FOR PRESENTS
Sicuta Radulescu, a 36-year-old Romanian woman serving four years in prison for theft, has won a civil suit against her boyfriend. Nicusor Constantin has been ordered by the court to try to bring her nicer gifts. Said Radulescu: "His presents are a disappointment and make time in jail even more unbearable. - Feb 2006
Read More from our pages - Only in Romania
STUDENTS SENT HOME WITH FUZZY TONGUES
Irina Gorova, a Russian schoolteacher, has been suspended from her school in Zolotaya Dolina, and may face two years in jail, after she allegedly ordered all the male pupils in her Grade 5 class to lick the classroom floor clean. One mother complained that "My sonny came home crying and shaking like a leaf." Gorova's colleagues believe that the student made the allegations up to feflect parents' interest in their poor grades. - Feb 2006
Read More from our pages - Only in Russia
SLIMEBOT IS BORN
It sounds like the imaginings of disgruntled office workers, but as researcher at Britain's Universtiy of Southampton has created robots controlled by living slime. It's the first instnace of living cells controlling a robot. When a researcher caused the single-celled, star-shaped slime to move, a robot's legs, electronically linked to the slime, moved in tandem . - Feb 2006
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Only In Italy...
Only In Rome...
A GLADIATOR THEME PARK FOR ROME
...the mayor announced that Rome would build a 500-hectare theme park based on the bloody history of ancient Rome to entice even more visitors to the Eternal City. One proposed attraction is a Pirates of the Colosseum ride, complete with gladiators fighting each other as well as animals under the watchful eye of an emperor.
...then there is the issue of meshing Rome's violent and often barbaric history with the mayor's desire for a "family friendly" experience. Even after sanitizing the fight-to-the-death gladiatorial battles, to say nothing of the stabbing orgy that ended Julius Caesar's life, the park is still going to be ordering a lot of fake blood.
Hey MFS Viewers and Members!
Do you have a joke or a funny news story you would like to add to your related country?
Submit it here and we'll do the rest! We'll take it in any language, and if we (or you) can give the translated version also - we'll add that too!)
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Buy A Playstation 3, Get A Bible…
...We often get the urge to read passages from Psalms while we are playing Killzone 2 and Resistance. Being the forward thinking nation that Poland is, they’ve decided to solve our problem by bundling new Playstation 3’s with a copy of the holy Bible.
Good one Poland, your actions are restoring faith in the Playstation 3 ....
(Bible!)
(PS3)
Only In Poland...
Only In Austria...
FUCKING, AUSTRIA
...British tourists have left the residents of one charming Austrian village by constantly stealing the signs for their oddly named village.
While British visitors are finding it hilarious, the residents of Fucking are failing to see the funny side.
Only one kind of criminal ever stalks the sleepy 32 house village near Salzburg on the German border - cheeky British tourists armed with a sense of humour and a screwdriver.
But the local authorities are hitting back and with the signs now set in concrete, police chief Kommandant Schmidtberger is on the lookout.
“We will not stand for the Fucking signs being removed,” the officer said.
“It may be very amusing for you British, but Fucking is simply Fucking to us. What is this big Fucking joke? It is puerile.”
Local tourist guide Andreas Rehmueller said it was only the British that had an obsession with Fucking.
“The Germans all want to see the Mozart house in Salzburg,” he explained.
“Every American seems to care only about The Sound of Music (the 1965 film shot around Salzburg).
“The occasional Japanese wants to see Hitler’s birthplace in Braunau.
“But for the British, it’s all about Fucking.”
Guesthouse manager Augustina Lindlbauer described the village’s breathtaking lakes, forests and vistas.
“Yet still there is this obsession with Fucking,” she said.
“Just this morning I had to tell an English lady who stopped by that there were no Fucking postcards.”
Only In...... The Consumption World
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO - Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION...
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
(If you want to submit a pic here, just sign up to photobucket (below), upload your photo there - then submit the link to us!)
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Only in
RIGA, LATVIA
A financial company in Latvia is offering residents loans secured by nothing but their immortal soul.
Riga-based firm, named Kontora, does not require credit history record or proof of employment. It grants loans of 50 to 500 Latvian lats ($100 to $1,000) to any adult after he or she signs the a very short agreement.
According to the agreement, the only security required of the borrower is their immortal soul, which they are asked to confirm as their previously unmortgaged property.
The loan is subject to one percent per day in interest until full repayment.
The period of full repayment is 90 days, and in case the borrower fails to return the money, the creditor gets full possession of his soul.
Only in Switzerland....
NAKED HIKERS
Why wear pants if you don't have to? That seems to be the new motto of hikers in Switzerland, who have taken to walking the country's mountain footpaths in the nude in ever-increasing numbers.
But government agents have had enough: now official signs banning the popular hobby will be set up across the country. Hikers who flaunt the rules (among other things) will be fined up to 200 Swiss francs (roughly around $188 US) for baring their bottoms. ...as if that's going to be enough to stop them... lol
